I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
