thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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