If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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