i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She even gives head with a lisp.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
