totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
