I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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