She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
