I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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