Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
