I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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