what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
