I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
