I'm really into asian looking animals
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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