So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
