She said her name was "party"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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