He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
