chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
