I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
