ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
