I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
