If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize