I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
