She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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