i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
