I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
