Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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