I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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