I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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