Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
