what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
