I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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