I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am one with the molecules
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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