Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
