the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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