you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
