I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I could fuck to npr.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
