Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
