dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
