Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
