; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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