Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
