some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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