the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
