I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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