You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
