My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Houston, we have a blender
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I want to be your penis for a week.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
