We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
