I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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