Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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