In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
