i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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