i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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