Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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