hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
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