I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
