I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize