You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
