remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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