if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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