The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
