Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
