So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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