Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
