where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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